Jane: Thanks for sharing, this page has been a really popular one for people searching for more information on PC so I am happy to see everyone able to find out more first hand stories from PC parents :) I also hope your journey to have your PC order granted goes quickly and smoothly.

We are currently stil in the process of waiting for a Permanent Care Order to be granted. There have been many delays along the way.

We would highly recommend Permanent Care for the explicit purpose of building a family, and supporting a child who would otherwise ‘float’ around in a foster care system. We would however prefer that it be adoption as per the UK & US, because dealing with the governmental agencies are difficult because they don’t have a framework for permanent care, whereas foster care & adoption are well trodden paths in the ‘system’.

We would also say that the legal system is a tricky thing to navigate, and you should not rely on DHS’ legal persons to present your families point of view. If you are entering into contested situations with more than one party – seek your own legal advice!

The most often occurring contest is the number of accesses to be granted. In our case the birthmother is seeking monthly access. DHS are seeking six accesses per year with the birthmother. In our case DHS is working with what they think they can get, not what is sustainable in the long term for the child – given that other parties are wanting separate access arrangements to our daughter as well.

The best thing about every day, is hearing my daughter say “I Love you Mummy”. No matter how challenging the day is/has been, those three words in her girl voice make me feel like I can take on the world.

My best advice, get educated, and really listen when being educated about some of the difficulties & challenges that you can face as a permanent carer and you will be well on your way to having a realistic view of Permanent Care. And keep in mind – there is a process, but the outcomes for the child/children is what is important.

Cheers,

Jane

It’s equally tough because she has reached the wonderful era that is the teenage years and along with all the biological changes their intellect is often racing to catch up so they don’t have the ability to predict future outcomes as us as adults and parents (often but not always) do, so you saying that her contact with her biological mother is not for her good – won’t be understood, its her ‘right’ to talk to her etc (as I am sure you’ve probably already heard her say! :)

It would also be worth having a chat to the workers at the PC agency (hoping they are approachable and informative) as they might be also able to help you negotiate through this without having to go back to court. But in the end, it’s up to us as parents to do everything we can to protect our children from things we know are going to be harmful to them, even when they don’t understand or resent us for doing so until they reach an age when they are able to make their own decisions and learn from their own mistakes.

Hope it goes well. Rose.

I have a real problem, 16 years ago when we were given a permanent care order in Victoria …… FACEBOOK DIDN’T EXIST!

My 14 year old daughter is in constant communication (access) with her biological mother on Facebook, although the order said she could see her 3 times a year under my supervision.

Her mother also is on facebook with all her friends and follows everything she says and makes comments. My daughters life is getting totally stuffed up.

Have you any knowledge about the legalities of this? in relation to the Permanent Care Order on access?